If You‘re Thinking of Going Up to Heaven

If You‘re Thinking of Going Up to Heaven long poem

Photo by h.koppdelaney

Up there, the mind of saints is telegnostic
And thought is superluminally telepathic;
Via sensorial communications anomalous
Gnosis and mind are venially synonymous.
All is public fare; the personal life is dead
And every thought you surfed in your head
Is served on www@heaven.com at the click
Of some button of a mouse or joy-stick!
Heaven! Wikipedia@heaven.com is up there
And good by jolly golly, beware, beware!
You have better not be up to nothing sorry
For WikiLeaks@heaven.com has your story!
Every angel is a JulianAssange whistleblower
And every sexless saint a BradleyManning –
For BradleyManning is a.k.a. Chelsea manning
Tattletale@heaven.com or some.com other!
And in the Lord’s secret service, every agent
Is a self-appointed Edward Joseph Snowden
Who will convince you his service is cogent;
When he warms up to you he means to cozen!
And hell! There’s always Twitter or Facebook
Whereat Popes and Holy Inquisitors may look
Into every cranny, every hole and every nook
When you thumb God a nose or cock a snook!
Listen up good! God’s heaven is a glass-house
Wherein no saint is a trysting lover or spouse;
All privies to secrets are naked in the main –
Downloadable as porn in the public domain!
So if you’re thinking of going up to heaven,
You mightn’t want to live it up in the blue
If you know telegnosis is the yeast that leaven
The mushy mind into a dipsomaniac brew!

16 February 2014

Notes for If You‘re Thinking of Going Up to Heaven:

This whimsical poem pokes fun at what it’s like in a fully transparent heaven. The theist is brought up to believe heaven is a place of eternal bliss. This poet begs to differ!
Telegnostic: of knowledge obtained without the use of normal sensory means
Sensorial communication anomalous: communication by extrasensory or paranormal means
Gnosis: knowledge (including knowledge gained from spiritual or mystical sources)
Venially synonymous: can be forgiven for thinking that mind and gnosis are one and the same (venially = pardonably)
The personal life is dead: line from Boris Pasternak’s novel ‘Doctor Zhivago’
Julian Assange: name of equally-loved and hated (?) international whistleblower
Bradley Manning: transgender whistleblower who changed his name to Chelsea Manning
Surfed and served: puns
Manning and manning: puns
Privies: participants in knowledge of something private, secret or classified
Dipsomaniac: (of) an insatiable craving for alcoholic beverages

This poem is part of the Poetry Book “Arrow Of Time

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3 Comments on "If You‘re Thinking of Going Up to Heaven"

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Editorial Board

@lawrencechew, oh my gosh, will that be what heaven is like? Out of your poem, then, maybe, Saint Peter mans the main computer and coordinates all Service Providers. My, about the downloads, I presume, you have to register first an account, what if YouTube is also there, no way. You should write a sequel about Hell also. But there, no website will be safe as all hackers and virus creators will have been enlisted by Satan. We enjoyed your poem. Email us if you get there.

Editorial Board

About this “email-us-when- you-get-there” thing, we are talking about Heaven, of course. Your “Hell” poem is not yet written. And besides, except if there will be airconditioned rooms there, computers will be unfunctional.


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