Mrs. Victim

Mrs. Victim long poem

Photo by DJANDYW.COM

I feel so lost. I feel so confused.
Every morning i wake up and wish it hadn’t been you.
Anyone else but why you?
I love you so intently but yet i still remember your face while ripping off my clothes.
I gave you my vows but i find it so hard to forgive you.
I know you hate yourself for what you don’t recall due to a drunk blacked out night, but I’m trying to pretend like I forgot it and it’s going to be okay.
I don’t feel okay, i feel disgusted every time i see myself in the mirror.
This giant green monster called shame sits on my shoulders day in and day out and it feels like he weighs a million pounds.
I hate myself and i don’t know why.
This hate i feel for myself is like a cancer running through my veins. I feel so toxic. I feel so raw.
I feel like anything good in me was ripped out by you.
The tears and the blood rushing down my legs seemed to just annoy you more.
I wish you could remember. I know i shouldn’t think this way but a part of me wishes it was you crying and saying stop. That it was you that was told to shut up and take it as you couldn’t breathe with a face full of blankets.
You’re suppose to be my safe place, the only man who i could trust with everything.
I remember the cold wind from the fan push back my tears on my face.
I remember the ripping of the brown silk sheets that i clutched in both my fists as the pain arose through my body.
I remember the stillness in the air as the scent of blood fermented the room.
Your finger nails digging into the back of my hair and scalp as you pushed you’re way to pleasure.
I don’t know whether to mistrust you or love you, i guess i can do both.
Just know my trust was something no one had but you, and you sabotaged it all.

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