Parental Advisory Needed

Parental Advisory Needed long poem

Photo by bitmask

Life with my father has
Never been magical
If anything it has always
Been tyrannical

I go home
Anger welcomes me
I meet the instigator
The abuser
You, my father
You cheated me out of a
Parental relationship
Which caused a damage in all future relationships

I thought you loved me
But narcissists can’t love fully
I was raised by a
Playground bully
Under my roof
This fact I speak truly

I loved you so
Gave you my heart
And you broke it into 4
4 walls
4 chambers
Home is where the heart is
Now broken walls
Came crashing down
The king of the palace reclaims his crown

The pain and suffering
You dare put us through
I know you know better
You are a grown man too
Shame on you
Pity on you
Do you even feel bad?
Do you even have feelings, even a few?

Like a piece of printer paper
When I poured my heart and soul
Out to you
Glassy eyes, glazed over
You didn’t even flinch
Abuser abuses the victim into making the victim the abuser

Unlike the charmer
You’re the snake
Strangers think that you are a
Heart warmer
The mental con artist
Like a foot, you’re calloused
Plotting your next move
Closeted sadist

What kind of man
Abuses two helpless females
Who did nothing but care
And made your life a fairytale
We showed you care
You, we would never abandon
But on the flip side
We were treated like garbage
Since you didn’t like us so
Don’t forget
The pick up’s on Monday’s
To take out the baggage

I was neglected by you
All of my teenage years
I never blossomed
I was just numbed
To the abuse I was dealt
And settled for more
With my relationships
I was damaged to the core
And needed psychiatric help
More and more
I am a sufferer of PTSD
That’s for sure

Parental advising was needed from you
You never followed through
With your fatherly duties
I got more parental advising from a
Blue ray DVD
You barely raised me
You never gave me lunch money
You stole my allowance
Straight from under me
It seemed like a burden to even ask
For you to cook spaghetti
I was forced to cook for myself, and clean
I raised me

My cards in life were dealt wrong
The only flush I got
Will go in the toilet
Where it belongs
I’m unlucky in life poker
I am always the joker
The court jester
Never the queen
I am not royalty
Never will I be
Thank you father
For instilling that thought in me

All I wanted was some praise
Take me out for ice cream
Play ball
Let me tell you about my dreams
Fake it if you have to
Put an air pump in me
Turn it on
And pump me up if you have to
Help me work towards my goals
Be proud of me when I succeed
My achievements
I hate when you claim my aspirations
It causes severe exasperations

Douse me in kerosene
Please give me a match
I am going to question my sanity
Doubt my credibility
For I have been gaslighted for years
And through all the tears
All I hear
In the back of my head is
“Are you sure”

Do not invalidate what I am saying
By ignoring me
I am a human being
Show some empathy
It will not cause death to thee
You are being extremely rude
Can’t you see
Never mind
Narcissists are extremely vain in actuality
They don’t care about anyone else
But themselves

To solidify your superiority
You talk over me or ignore me
Do you not here me talking, dad?
Maybe I gained super powers over night
Because I feel invisible
Which is not acceptable
I may be young
But I still matter
Every time I get ignored
My heart will shatter

I would rather live without a father
Than have an emotionally abusive one
Someone that sucks the fun
Out of everything
When you see them
You want to run
To see if he will change
You want to slip him some of your medication
Living with him is like preparing
For the Armageddon
Hide and never seek
Then find asylum

I understand you can’t love
Multiple people at the same time
But father
It is not a crime
Eventually you will learn
And won’t be as sour as a lime

You were an absente
You left me
For so many years
I didn’t know who you were
When you slyly merged your way
Back into my life
I was confused
You were the one who put the knife
In my back
And because of that
My heart has cracked
Moving back in is not so easy
There is permanent baggage
That must be resolved
A sincere apology and acknowledgment
Would make it absolve

My father is like a die
He has six sides
One for every day of the week
But Sunday off
To rest
And reach his peak
Once again
To resume the title of
Until the end

When the sun is down
On our faces we have a frown
In happiness you drown
As you like to see bad luck come around
Around us you hound
To gather gossip to spread to the town
Oh dad, we are your family that you are letting down
We don’t like this bad energy you surround
Us with

Don’t get me wrong
We had times that were good
But they were out shadowed
By the bad
I wanted a father to guide me
And a friend in my dad

I will not stand for this abuse
Imprinting the idea that my worth
Is only as good as riding in the caboose
In the back
I do not belong
I will not seated
As your actions will not be acquitted

When you get used to something
It is time for a change
Time for an exit strategy
I now run the game

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Rayanne Esparza

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I am 21 years old, and have a burning passion for writing about topics that aren't discussed at the dinner table mainly in the style of free verse. Metal, punk rock, and poetry are 3 things that calm me down, and help me express my most inner raw emotions.
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