The Fight For My Life

I’m a prisoner -A prisoner of my mind.

I can’t be free.

I can’t be me.

Locked in by anxiety, interrogated by insecurity, and depression is barricading the door.

With no room to breathe, I can feel my lungs collapse as I try to push them out. The voice in my head is bellowing at me; it gets louder and louder. Its fire burns my soul like an open flame. The heat is overwhelming and it thrusts me under its blazing core.

The desire to be thin- The desire to be perfect; the standards are too high, I cannot be accepted. I am inadequate, therefore I can’t be granted happiness. I will never be good enough.

I lay in the lonely abyss of the night, clenching my fists as anxiety pays me a visit. She is the uninvited guest at a party that nobody dares to speak to. Slowly, she wraps herself around my throat and strikes with ultimate force. I try to perpetuate my serenity, but she tightens her grip like a boa constrictor. I run, but my legs have become weak.

BANG! I fall to the ground, hitting my head on depression’s floor.

I’ve been here before.

Depression isn’t like anxiety- he isn’t afraid. He hasn’t got time for loitering, because he’s got a busy schedule. Immediately, he devours every morsel of happiness and replaces it with sorrow. His sinister cackle relegates the room to declare his victory; he hasn’t finished yet. The final duty is to obliterate your self-worth, your confidence, and your pride- Only to leave you with melancholy sadness.

He never leaves. Everywhere you go, his ghastly shadow emanates from within; he is not alone. His fellow friend joins him on his mission to destroy you- Paranoia.

She is here to deceive you. Her lies confound your mind, amending your beliefs about humanity. Remember that drink your friend made you? It wasn’t kindness; it was a spiteful act to poison you. You are not safe; everybody is out to get you, so you better be wary around your so-called friends. Her slander remarks cherish your attention, filling your body with dread and fear. You cannot hide and you certainly cannot escape- they always track you down.

With all the terror and dismay, you long for an angel to pick you up and free you from your demons. As if by magic, a wonderful spirit grants you your many wishes- happiness, beauty, popularity and tranquillity. How could something be so perfect?

Ana is the sweetest of them all. Her voice is so soft, that it drowns out the anxiety. She gently whispers in your ear, and places her hand on your shoulder. She promises to look after you and protect you, but on one condition- you must do as she says. As naive as you are, you take her offer. Everything is well, but now the innocent saint is no longer the kind heart she once was.

You are a slave- listening to all of Ana’s requests, as you fall deeper into her trap. She manipulates you, as she knows you are desperate. Her lies torment you, as you gain control, but this is just an illusion. Ana has control, and you have a big price to pay…

Your life.

Upon starving yourself, your health has been compromised for happiness. You can no longer stand without losing your vision, your hair is falling out, and you have lost everything- your friends, your family, and everything that makes you unique. You no longer have a personality. To make things worse, the things she promised, you never got, or will ever get from her. Ana does not care about that, she just wants to kill you.

All of these monsters come together to annihilate your existence, but you cannot let them win. You are strong. You are brave. You are worth the fight. These struggles are not easy, but you have the power to defeat them.

Yes, I may be a prisoner of my mind, but I have the key to set myself free.

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