Loss

Loss long poem

Uploaded by Ayesha Noor

When you think about losing someone
You know it will hurt
You expect to hurt
Like you’ve never hurt before

But even though you prepare yourself
Once you lose someone you love
The shock will knock you off your feet
And the grief will keep you on your knees

The never ending stream of
I’m sorry for your loss
Will make you reach a point
Where the word sorry has lost its meaning

Because how can they possibly be sorry
When your heart is in tatters at your feet
And they utter generic condolences
While affecting sympathetic expressions
For a few fleeting moments
Before going back to their lives
As if nothing ever happened
Except for the occasional twinge
Their hearts make
When they remember your loss

Worse than just losing someone you love
Is losing them to cancer
Worse than the i’m sorrys
Are the
But they’re in a better place nows
And the they’re no longer in pain nows
As if you don’t already know that
As if knowing that plugs the hole in your heart

They may be trying to comfort you
To ease your pain
But all it feels like
Is they’re telling you
You have no right to be in pain
All it does is make you angry
So angry you want to lash out
Cut them with the sword your tongue has become
Turned to steel by the anger

But you don’t
Because you don’t want to ruin
The memory of the one you loved

You think the funeral will be the hardest part
But it is actually the easiest
Because then
All you have to do
Is what you’ll want to do everyday afterwards
Succumb to your grief
Except today
The day of the funeral
Is the only day it is acceptable to grieve in public

Anyday after that day
Your grief needs to be hidden behind closed doors
Because god forbid
You make anyone uncomfortable

But the days and years to come are harder
Your breath hitches
As you remind yourself
I need to speak in the past tense
Your eyes well up with tears
When you start dialing a number you’ve had memorised for years
And realise that there won’t be anyone or anything on the other end
Other than an automated voice
Telling you the number is out of commission

Then comes the grieving
Does anyone really grieve
The right way?
The healthy way?

Will doing it the right way
Make it hurt any less?
You’ll never know
Because by the time you realise
That there is a healthy way
You’ll have gone too far
Down the path of denial
To be able to turn back

So you keep going
Until you hit a dead end
Once you’re there
Your pain will realise
It has nowhere to hide
So the dam holding it back will break
And you’ll be flooded by agony

But don’t worry
Because as impossible as seems
And as cliche as it sounds
Time really does heal all wounds
Or at least it heals enough

Enough to let go of the anger
That has become your constant companion
Enough to let go of the bitterness
Whose foul taste has coated your tongue
Enough to let go of the sadness
That has dried out your eyes
Time after time
Enough to let go of the pain
So that your heart can piece itself back together
Even if it looks like a completed puzzle
That will forever have a missing piece

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