I walk in her room and pick up her toys.
I call her name to help, only to hear back white noise.
We’re running late now and she’s nowhere to be found,
I feel myself start to panic and I become overwhelmed.
Just as I start to fall apart at the seams,
I open my eyes and realize,
I’m only her mother in my dreams.
Reality sets in as my eyes adjust to the light,
I pull the covers over my head again and tell the real world goodnight.
I curl up in a ball as thoughts enter my head,
I know I should get up but grief keeps me in bed.
I think I’m dreaming now
Although my mind can never tell,
Is this an illusion of a mother’s heaven?
Or will reality wake me up inside a mother’s private hell?
Alone in her room once more,
I know time is running out.
I run through the house,
Her name I scream and shout.
I turn a final corner and I see her playing there,
She looks up and says,
“Don’t cry Mom, I’m not going anywhere.”
My eyes fill with tears because she’s too young to understand,
That I’m only her mother in this fantasy dreamland.
No longer a mother in a world where it matters,
Only in dreams where a mother’s heart lies shattered.
Hours seem like seconds in a dream where all time is borrowed.
She remains in my heart til I dream of her tomorrow.
The days without my daughter are endless it seems,
But I’ll always be her mother,
If only in my dreams.