Me First

Me First short poem

What does it take for everyone to be nice?

What is it that makes them forgive every vice?

I was told all good people go to heaven,

But I had a strangeness,

A propensity to be intrepid

Even before I was seven.

When did I change so much?

Always wanting,

Always needing,

Telling myself I deserve the best.

Loving myself,

Settling for nothing less

It’s like a sickness

I am powerless to stop.

I don’t need reasons,

A little therapy perhaps.

When did I change so much?

I may be getting better,

Or just getting worse.

When I think I have got it made.

I am impossibly cursed.

When I want to win

But someone else does,

I congratulate them

But inside, I sulk.

I hate everyone most of the time

My heart made misanthropic

It is a sickness

I simply cant deny.

When I wish I am better,

I am evil again

When I think I have got it fixed

I have a familiar refrain.

When did I change so much?

I used to be nice

I used to be alright

I can’t get over how much I have changed now.

I love being cruel

All the pleasure I get

And my wicked tongue helps me forget

When did I change so much?

Why I feel – to hurt is better than being hurt?

I think I am getting better,

But I am just impossibly cursed

It’s like a sickness

I am powerless to stop

I don’t need reasons,

A little therapy perhaps.

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An IT architect by profession, and makes a living by writing complex programs on machines from dark ages called Mainframe legacy systems; Sana, When she is not coding, likes to read, write poetry, cook and travel.Travelling has become her more recent passions and is likely to continue for a long time, as the sight of hills, serenity of lakes and plain natural beauty brings out the poet in her.And sometimes, (just some very rare times), whilst writing code, working with black and white Mainframe screens, she gets inspiration to delve into her more artistic side.Even as usually she finds it extremely hard to give titles to her poems, on HighOnPoems she attempts to christen them with something meaningful. Readers may disagree :-) (but suggestions are welcome).
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This piece of writing deserves to be applauded for its stark honesty. It takes courage to recognise one’s weaknesses and foibles but the poet goes one step ahead and acknowledges them too. The age old conflict of the self first or the world is brought out so finely in this poem. kudos @sana


This poem addresses an age old problem we are all too familiar with to some degree or other. Selfishness. But it does not leave us in a river of hopelessness and despair. Through honesty and confession, it provides the potential for ‘escape’. It’s unfortunate that too few of us are transparent enough to have a chance at ‘wholeness’, but this poem offers a key via, “a little therapy perhaps”.
No. We are not ‘powerless to stop’; and no again. ‘we are not impossibly cursed’. God loves us.


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