There are nights I sit alone with my thoughts
I battle to keep them at bay,
But tired they just overwhelm me
And those thoughts just won’t go away.
I try to imagine the beauty outside
A walk on a windswept hill,
The images all turn out fuzzy
The beauty eluding me still.
I read the first page of a self-help guide
I found it vaguely ironic,
But sometimes I really am desperate
And hope is always a tonic.
There are times when life’s been lonely
And we always get kicked when we’re down,
I don’t like to talk of my nightmares
So I hide them by acting the clown.
I think I am trying to tell you
I missed you so much in the past,
I don’t think that you could have helped me
And I couldn’t approach you to ask.
I’ll not shirk away from the state I was in
But I needed you, just for a chat,
A sister, my sister to talk to
But it just didn’t work out like that.
I know all the times I have cried here
The clown and the jester no trace,
I get so damn weary of acting
And putting a smile on my face.
Whilst life still deals it’s god damn knocks
I noticed it’s made me no stronger,
But something came out of utter despair
And I sure hope you stay for much longer.
For my sister; Jackie
I am who I am
A page in my book
The one that says I have worth
And sometimes when my strengths depleted
I don’t feel alone on this earth