Freddy the flea moved in here with me,
and his family were queued up behind.
I said ‘it’s a cheek’, but he looked pretty bleak,
so I said c’mon in’ ‘cos I’m kind.
In they all trotted, and now they have squatted,
in the midst of my favourite place.
It made me so snappy and very unhappy,
so I sprayed them with my can of mace.
Freddy was squeaking, the others were shrieking,
so I quickly doused them with water.
Freddy survived, the rest they all died,
and they called it ‘The London Road Slaughter’.
Freddy and I, we tend to scrape by,
and if we argue he can get quite mad.
He brings up the case where I sprayed them with mace,
and it leaves me feeling quite bad.
We share the same quarters where I killed off his daughters,
but he doesn’t mention the wife.
Its not ‘cos he’s sad, in fact he’s quite glad,
now he’s dating, and got a new life.
I suggested they shared, as much as I dared,
but Freddy is one stubborn flea.
He said he was staying to prevent further slaying,
I just wish it wasn’t with me.
Freddy is such, that he charms me so much,
and he says that he loves this old flat.
He sleeps in my bed, and snores by my head,
and I’ve noticed he’s getting quite fat.
I often say ‘Go’, but he flatly says ‘No’,
he’s even pledged me his heart.
I didn’t pledge back, ‘cos I’ve not got the knack,
but I guess even that is a start.
I told him I shared which proved that I cared,
and he seemed to take it quite well.
But later that day he had nothing to say,
and with Freddy you really can’t tell.
Freddy enjoys a day out with the boys,
they meet in the Dog & Cat.
Now that he’s older, he knows to stay sober,
But he still falls asleep on the mat.
I have often been hauled by the Landlord who called,
insisting I get down there quick.
Because Freddy is drunk and his friends have all sunk,
with the other ones all getting sick.
Freddy’s main chums are reasonable ones,
but there’s others that come in a gang.
He told me they’re young and just having fun,
and looking for places to hang.
Freddy I trust, although I still fussed,
so I made certain things very clear.
He could bring back his dates and responsible mates,
and I’d get them some weak cans of beer.
He’s been fairly good, and done what he should,
and his friends are always polite.
It was just that one day when I needed the spray,
to break up an almighty fight.
A strange flea was loud and not one of the crowd,
and Freddy had gone to take charge.
To be fair he tried, and had called him aside,
but that flea was incredibly large.
Freddy has been right next to the queen,
as he spotted a corgi go by.
He jumped on its head, or so he has said,
and I don’t think Freddy would lie.
He once took a chance at visiting France,
after hitching a ride on a cat.
But he said it was tough ‘cos the water was rough,
and he would rather forget about that.
The more he unravels the length of his travels,
I do get extremely enlightened.
But would Freddy come for a break in the sun,
I don’t want him worried or frightened.
Freddy did say if we do go away,
that he doesn’t have any I.D.
I know he could hide and get a free ride,
but if he’s caught it will come back on me.
I even suggested I could be arrested,
but Freddy said that was bizarre.
He’d travelled for years without any fears,
by boat, by train and by car.
I said I would look at the rules in a book,
and the subject came to a halt.
But smuggling a flea seemed risky to me,
with prison as a likely result.
Although Freddy stays its not that he pays
But he hardly costs much to keep
My food is my own, and so is my phone
But my drink bills have got rather steep
I once had a fit when he had to admit
It was him who was drinking my wine
I locked it away the very same day
There were some things in life that were mine
I had to be strict or fear being tricked
And I was quick to fathom his lies
it’s hard to stay mad when Freddy’s been bad
but he stands there and always denies.
Freddy’s in touch with his family as such
But they separated back in their day
By chance they met up on a Labrador pup
And decided that that’s where they’d stay.
He lived with them fine, although a short time
And I think he enjoyed family life
But typical Freddy he just wasn’t ready
To settle and get a new wife
He jumped on a cat, fast asleep on a mat
He said Mother was just far too strict
Her rules weren’t fair and she got in his hair
And it was always on him that she picked.
Freddy quite likes to stay in at nights
He watches the T.V ‘til late
But sometimes he sighs and says its his eyes
And he gets himself into a state
If Freddy went blind and I’m not being unkind
But our life would be turned upside down
With a disabled flea who’s reliant on me
And a dog ‘cos he can’t get around
I admit that I fret and it’s not happened yet
I’m just hoping his eyes could be sore
I don’t think there’s places that handle those cases
Certainly not any more.
Freddy can be a good actor you see
And I’m hoping he’s laying it on
I’ve witnessed him trying to convince me he’s crying
Yet I knew he was fine all along
He can be quite sneaky and sometimes he’s cheeky
Yet his manners are somehow intact
For that I am pleased and I’ve quite often teased
But politeness I want that’s a fact
He does make me smile when he uses his guile
I have to keep a straight face
With his hands on his hips and a pout on his lips
As he bravely puts forward his case
If Freddy did go there’s no doubt I’d be low
I’m used to his quirky old ways
We shared this old place and it’s been Freddy’s base
Although sometimes he’s missing for days
He says to his cost that the dog had got lost
And taken him too far away
He leapt on a train to get out of the rain
And still wasn’t home the next day
He knows our address although I confess
His reading is poor for a flea
I suggested we look for a suitable book
But he didn’t seem eager to me.
Freddy can see a lot clearer than me,
unless he’s been drinking my wine.
It goes to his head, and he fidgets in bed,
and repeats himself, time after time.
Our rows get quite bad, and it makes me feel sad,
I’ve threatened to give him a spray.
He soon settles down with a grunt and a frown,
and he mumbles he’s not going to stay.
I want him to be a contented old flea,
but all said and done in the end
I’m sure I will snap and give him a zap,
but he’s Freddy and Freddy’s my friend.