Bizarre Betrayal

Bizarre Betrayal long poem

I

I don’t even know what to call
The feeling in my torso,
So tart and curdle.
Meager me!

As I keep on recalling your words
“It was a mistake,” you said.

But the brutal fact is,
I grasped it too late.
The mistake was mine,
For trusting you.

Betrayal …
Is it too simple a word to describe?

The crushing sting
The tremendous solitude
And terrific isolation
That I experience.

There is always a first instant,
And it is never the last instance.

II

As I grew older, I got starker.
I have learned to do what I am told
With the utmost compliance.
I forgot everything I have ever wanted.

The pain still lurks,
But it’s easier to pretend it’s not there!

Than to greet the horrors
I have masked in the deepest slice of my mind.
My relations are snowed under
By the clout of my passion.

All I know is ache.
All I feel is angst.

I reach out for help,
But never seems to find
What I am looking for.
The woe gets worse.

The solitude sets in, when the feelings return,
I conquer with fright, hurt, and harassment.

I try to cry out for release
But soon, I learn, none will listen.
No matter how harsh I cry,
I can’t bar, nor can I alter, this spell.

No matter what I do,
The soreness will not cease!

III

As I stop confide in my own stance
As no one else retorts them, none heed my woe.
Soon the twinge becomes too immense
That I learn not to feel them at all.

Each day I begin to endure, more and more,
Like I don’t know what is existent!

This sturdy, lost, frantic me
Learns to give up the senses
Those make all of you feel alive.
I begin to feel numb.

As I have convinced myself
I am already dead.

As I wish I was departed
For me, there is no way out.
Soon, I have learnt
There is no leeway!

Yet, when I look around myself
I see nothing that should make me feel so penitent.

Deep inside
I know, something is very, very wrong,
Yet I don’t dredge up anything.
I end up calling myself bizarre.

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I've hated words n I've loved them. It was words that made me feel, Perhaps I was not completely alone. They could be honest with me, n I with them.
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