I know you’re sad I’m no longer her, and I wasn’t anymore for a long time.
So when you found her again in someone else, it must’ve taken you off guard.
You missed her, you needed her, so when you found her as a splitting image,
the temptation of reaching out and going in must’ve been too strong.
And I know about all the ways you justified it in your head;
“We’re just talking. I’m not doing anything wrong. It’s not that deep, not that big of a deal.”
But it was deep enough to keep it a secret from me.
It was big enough to erase every trace of her, before it could ever see my eyes.
My love, not only did you lie to me, you also lied to yourself.
For convincing yourself she was just a friend. When she was the me you once upon a time fell in love with.
You were mesmerized, enthralled and compelled at first sight.
And that wasn’t supposed to happen a second time, with another her.
And even if I tried to be her; wear her skin and hair, her eyes and clothes.
I will NEVER be HER.
But you swore on everything sacred it was me, it’s always been me and always will be.
You swore on life and death itself your heart did not falter.
And how eager I was to forgive you, even more desperate to forget.
But the hardest part, is my own self destructive insecure mind that was triggered.
This pandora’s box that will never close.
As much as a picture, or name.
Or even the slightest glimpse of something small will remind me of her, and you.
I will look at you, and see everything reflect back in your eyes ;
All the time and effort you spend on her, behind my back.
All the feelings and affection that build up with a text or a call.
Her anger and frustration when I forced you to walk away from her.
And how close you came to the last few lines that could be crossed.
How far it could’ve gone had I not intervened. It hooks on my thoughts like dark claws.
And you’ve broken my heart before, with lies and deceit.
I know the intense stinging of my heart breaking very well.
But never before did I feel, my heart ripped right out of my chest. Like you did that night.