No Title (1/2)

No Title (1/2) prose poem

No Title (1/2) prose poemUploaded by Marissa Alice

and I can almost sense that something bad is going to happen soon
everything for some people just seem to be falling apart
well one person in particular
he is such an amazing person and he seems to be finding more and more things to pin up on this metaphorical bulletin board
pinning up all my mistakes
and its like he’s reading them off all at once
I cant say first to anything
because he’s a thinker and when put to school and work and becoming the man he wants, he’ll become successful
but when put to things like our past and the things that have damaged us before, he will let these thoughts consume him
when he’s overwhelmed by these torturess thoughts he will fall upon my feet dusting for fingerprints and any sign of these occurring again
these f*ck*ng thoughts will cause paragraphs of anger or apology
and these are unlike the others
you cannot use any type of treatment or coping mechanisms to silence these voices of tragedy and despair
these aren’t even my thoughts and I let them consume me as well
I open my arms to them
and I will never blame him for these thoughts because they can lead to dangerous worlds or rather better ones
you do not get to decide
you cannot wake up and tell yourself not to think of the bad situations that could happen
these days anything could happen
and instead of being able to wake up and decide
you are forced to be woken up by these pests
I call them pests because they bother you
it doesn’t matter the amount of traps you set
they will always walk around those
the pesticides as well
to the ones including myself who have brought upon him these thoughts to worry about or to bring up any sort of grim experience that has happened are the ones who often have the same daily dosage of hatred sampled to our brains
and are rarely the ones who had no intention at all and repeatedly find themselves retracing their steps to make up for this
and in the rarity of it
you’ll find me
I am one of the many who have fed his thoughts
and my pile of regret is still clogging up the drain
it should’ve been washed out and been given away to storage of forgotten things
we’ve yet to call a plumber for fear of him/her not being able to unclog this memory collecting monster
we don’t want to have to get a new drainage system because this new one could malfunction and be more sensitive to his grandparents
and more importantly because in order for you to get this cleansed system you have to replace the old one
and we both are not ready to replace it
we both are not ready to replace me
see the thing is, is that we both really love each other and as my current boyfriend and hopefully future husband I want to be able to unclog this myself
my pile of regret will morph into a happiness that will bloom our best memories and taste of our laughter
I am not able to control his thoughts
but I do want to be able to suppress those with ones that are made with love provided by our relationship

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