I’m watching us in my mind’s eye bound together like thunder and lightning to get away from the world and into secret places
We’re gushing alive flaming flickering love bursting born leaving nothing to chance until we fade out. Then…
Then I check my phone again
Tidied table tops carrots diced and put away took the washing out to dry and I begin to soak…soak my eyes in the sudden unnatural naked loneliness of this moment
The day we first met shuffles a deck of memories
repeats random pictures of you talking in my head
rinses my heart in a rush of blood feeds a flood of angry tears
I used to beam up in a smile at the thought of us but now I cringe I hide because you think it’s tinged by lies so I try to get rid of you from my mind erase you from me from 24/7 search and find
Our dreams wither decisions to be made dither the day is slips away it’s only the beginning of the end and I realize I don’t want to survive everything. Just this.
So I remember the way.
The way you’re not afraid to be you to feel okay if incomplete okay if life’s ends don’t always meet meet.
The way you let me into your life your music your darkness and your absolutely nothings like a child to be vulnerable and lost going with the flow not to control the highs and the lows a fate forever hanging in a game of toss
The way we hug each other tied by an invisible tether and roll like tumbleweeds down the hill and spill…Spill our fears fall off the edge of the cliff free fall all the way down unwound plunge into subterranean depths melting us both in the fires of hell and love
The way you never just hold my hand you hold my seismic heart and every desire I’ve kept hidden from you since we met every secret call every code while I’m dying to keep it on silent mode
The way you read between the lines take the wildest guesses and know without knowing how what I really mean to say to you
I wish all this was now not yesterday