It Hurts Too Much

It Hurts Too Much long poem

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Her abuse of my naivety left a gaping wound; the cloaking (but never healing) of that wound made me hard and cold.

​She was sweet and sincere
She dried my tears
She was sympathetic
And somewhat poetic
She drew me in
And I told her everything
She was pretty
She hailed from the city
She was fun and smart
I was stunned and I gave her my heart

I was … proud, yeah, proud
So proud that I vowed
‘I’ll give everything I’ve got
Every single day, nonstop
I’ll put her happiness and health above all else
I’ll be dutiful
Tell her she’s beautiful
Make her feel good
Just as a great partner should
I’ll always believe in her
I’ll never ever leave her
I’ll do everything right
I’ll fight and fight and fight
If times get rough
And we go through a patch that’s tough
I won’t give up on her and us’

I went through a lot so we could be together
She said once I was free she’d be mine forever
She smiled and held me tight
And told me everything would be alright
Then she turned around
And kicked me while I was down
She left me alone for reasons unknown
She wound up coming back to me
Saying it was ‘meant to be’
That’s when I knew in my heart
That the anguish was gonna start

I thanked the Lord above
I praised God every day
But it wasn’t enough to make her stay
She said she was in love with me
She’d never say goodbye
Now I sit and cry when I think of how she lied

She started to avoid me
Knowing it would destroy me
Ignoring me for the slightest reason
Torturing me for the slightest grievance
You see I lied to myself and everyone else
Hurting and pretending
Praying for a happy ending
All the suspicions I shoved aside
All the seething hurt I tried to hide

Thrown into despair by her lack of care
Living in a world of agony and fear
Closing my eyes to things I started to hear
The red flags I ignored as my anxiety soared
Right through the roof
Closed my eyes to the proof
That she flaunted in my face
The evil way she let me know that I had been replaced
Constructing excuses for her in my head
Shutting down a mind that was so full of dread
Delusion and confusion
Keeping my mouth closed tight to avoid a fight
Because I knew that it would be our last
And I didn’t want to be relegated to her past

Crying every lonely night I spent alone
Weeping and wondering where she’d really gone
Waiting for the phone to ring
Driven mad by imagining
She took advantage of my loyalty
With her cold casual cruelty
Slandering me and shaming my name
While saying to my face that we were okay
That my fears were null and void
And that I was just paranoid

I always thought
‘Just one more day
She’ll feel better tomorrow
She’ll be sorry for all of that sorrow’

But tomorrow never came
And she said that I was the one to blame
She played with me like a toy
That she wanted to destroy
She couldn’t tell me we were finished
She strung me along until my soul diminished
Diminished and died under the weight of her lies
I could see goodbye in her eyes
So I got on my knees and begged her to stay
She wouldn’t listen to what I was trying to say

I needed her for myself
Knew I’d never make it if she went with someone else
She knew I needed her so
But she still turned to go
She walked out the door
As she had done so many times before

She hurt my pride
I felt sick inside
Now I’ve been left to pine
I realise my efforts were a waste of time
And I can’t deny that I’ve been disgraced
Now that the truth has been thrown in my face
But if I had just one wish
It would be that things had never come to this
Because only she will ever know
How tough it’s been to let her go
I’ve been waiting for such a long time
Dreaming of something that can never be mine

So there’s no anniversary
But I see her in too many memories
Smiling in the back of the car
Whispering ‘Baby you’re a star’
Holding my hand so tight
Singing softly
Getting every word right

One moment she was here
The very next she had disappeared
And she glows like a vision under the city streetlights
That burn too harshly and burn too bright
But I’m over here
And she’s over there
And she just doesn’t care
So I close my mind at night to forget her and the pain that begets her

But it hurts too much
She knows it hurts too much

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Jaimi Kendall-Jones

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I'm Jaimi, a 21 year old student from Exeter, England. I am a published poet, model, and IMDb-listed actress. I have loved literature, language, poetry, and writing for as long as I can remember. I have collaborated with an author on a book, but am yet to write my own. I do plan on doing so one day. In the meantime, I enjoy writing poetry and short stories.
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6 Comments on "It Hurts Too Much"

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Aloke
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It is a tragedy that made into an intense poetry. Marvellous use of language.

Aloke
Member

It is a tragedy that made into an intense poetry. Marvellous use of language.

Dr. K.S. Bhardwaj
Member

Beautiful poem delineating a deserted person’s life. Till the end it remained a mystery to me that it has been penned by a woman! And at the end when I neared your introduction, spontaneous smile with awe gripped me. well done Ms Jaimi Jones…….

Lakhan Mal
Member

I would have felt very happy for my tears rolling in the middle if the end was different. Wish you have a happy ending sometime. Hold it! Karma and Universe will never be unfair to fair people.

Ayy Lmao
Member

Very well written!

wpDiscuz

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