Turning Point

Turning Point long poem

Photo by Nina A.J.

I look at my body and still can’t believe,
How did I manage to do this to me,
How could I ever stand such pain,
When I harmed myself time and again.
I wanted to scream and I wanted to shout,
I wanted to let my frustration out,
In silence the words would stick in my throat,
Instructing my mouth each time that I spoke.
Holding my tongue, too scared to breathe,
Why bother I know that they wouldn’t believe,
I’m left with these marks to tell me it’s true,
What was I thinking? What did I do?
Why did I feel I did not have a choice,
My body screamed out for it was my voice,
Lost in translation they just couldn’t see,
This wasn’t “attention seeking” for me.
It was simply my way of calming the storm,
That raged inside since the day I was born,
I learned that somehow it helped keep me calm,
It helped me to hide everything that I am.
Ironic I know when I look at myself,
A result of leaving myself on the shelf,
The consequences of trying to hold on,
Not realising I wasn’t required to be strong.
Not realising my silence would lead to this,
So anxious and so many moments I’d miss,
So many memories that I never made,
Wearing these marks that might never fade.
I know that I’ll never turn the clock back,
I just have to get myself back on track,
I know I don’t have to hurt anymore,
For it’s finally time to close that door.

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