I am ﬂesh and blood and feelings
Amongst other things..
But I am ﬁrst and most importantly
skin, bones, muscles,
blemishes, pimples, scars
freckles, moles, and dry skin
and blood – running through my veins,
gushing out of scraped knees,
peeping through ﬂushed, drunk cheeks
and yes, actually, I menstruate
And I am feelings – happy,
eccentric, reserved and reckless and repressed real feelings
But when you see me… what do you see?
You see my pierced nose,
my tattooed arm,
the clothes and shoes and friends that I wear
and you say ‘yes, I’ve met her’
but have you?
Have you met me? or have you only glanced at me?
I am ﬂesh and blood and feelings and I absolutely refuse to be anything less.
I refuse the place markers you assign my personality
The drawers you sort me into, in the schemas you’ve constructed
I am not that girl who’s kind of shy at parties
I am not that girl who’s too loud sometimes
I am not the reluctant smoker or the non smoker or the pack a day smoker
I am not the smart one or the vapid one
I am not the writer, the dreamer, the one standing in the corner
I am not my name
not my friend’s friend
not where I come from, where I am or where I’m going
I refuse you the convenience of labeling my place with any of the labels above
or any of the ones that don’t even apply to me
Because I didn’t choose them
They happened to me
Just like they seemed to have
just kind of happened to you
I am ﬂesh and blood and feelings because those are the only things I am sure of.
Because I change
Like fall suddenly turns into spring and winter was just the transition in retrospect
But I still bleed
I am still driven by chemical induced manias and hell I wish I wasn’t
but I still am getting scars and blemishes on my skin
and I will
until we’re spinning in this tornado of life
until we aren’t anymore.
So I refuse to be identiﬁed as anything less real than the simple.
Because I am not complicated
and not anyone else
I am not a stranger or an acquaintance
I am you, if you look at the pieces of yourself
I am you, in a different concoction of
and you would love me if you saw me in the mirror
looking at you from within your reﬂection
instead of meeting you at the front porch of a really busy college party about to be broken up
or in the library
or just in passing
you would love me the way you love you
and then we can can build a real relationship
between our real ﬂesh