I was painting my dreams red and blue on the floor with the crayons,
Confidently humming to myself composed tune
That’s when a formless form sat beside me
It stared at me, I stared it back, and we stared each other for a while, eye to eye
It didn’t do anything to me; it just sat by beside me
But from the other side of the room I heard some unknown whispers,
Mentioning it as ‘fear’, we were still staring, not paying much attention to those whispers.
The stars came up in the sky, I shut my eyes for the day, so did ‘fear’ I guess.
The chalk broke and fell on the ground, letting its particles
To climb up free, with those Sun rays inspecting the classroom as an everyday ritual
That’s when that formless form named ‘fear’, sat beside me, this time holding my hand.
Words fused in my mouth, not budging to come out, my heart almost waiting to jump out of my throat.
The recess bell rang, there was chaos around, and ‘fear’ still held my hand like a long-lost friend
We thus sat there still, for hours to come, with slight shivers passing me with every blow of wind.
Lying on my bed, looking at the ceiling I was waiting for nothing.
The dark clouds seemed lazy today, not moving around, just looming above my sky and chitchatting
That’s when after months these formless forms were busy jumping on my bed
This time they were many.
The so-called ‘fear’ had friends now; they seemed least bothered by my presence.
Clouds clashed, my room went dark, and the phone bell rang.
They stopped playing now; some held my hand some the pleats of my dress and some sat beside the phone
Feeling choked, patiently I heard the person on the other side, a huge lump of dark cloud inside me waiting to burst.
Listening to the droplets of water seeping through the roof above me, closing my eyes, going into darkness from the dark room of mine
I requested the formless forms to play with less chaos.
Dressed in a dress of my favorite color, I was watching the rainbow that had shown up opposite my window.
Eager to step out, to showoff my dress, of my favorite color, I seemed to wait, held myself back
That’s when I realized; I was waiting for those formless forms ‘fear’ and its group of friends
Now they were my companions too, talking, requesting, guiding and at times dictating me.
We seemed to have a love hate relationship
But the passing years were begging me to throw these formless forms out or lock them up at a place from where they could never walk back.
On this summer evening while I write, they the formless form ‘fear’ and its companions unaware
That I am writing about them are knocking hard from outside at the window in my room
Waving, smiling, calling out to me
Some are even sitting on my bed like a pet, which acts sad to draw one’s attention.
And some, planning a plot on how to get back to me
That’s when after years that one formless form named ‘fear’ and me, we stare at each other, eye to eye
The stars have come up the sky and I choose to shut my eyes and I wish,
To paint my dreams red and blue on the floor with the crayons….