When I awoke that fatal day I knew there was something amiss the agonizing striking pain doubled me over on the cold floor
My eyes began to well with tears and gushed down like a rushing waterfall a cold eerie wind blew through the very vapors of my soul
I crashed to my knees and began to pray ever so hard begging and pleading for him to save the very essence of my heart and soul
I feebly get up and all of a sudden a big gush comes from below right then I knew the very fibre of my being was being ripped away from me once more
But I held on for dear life hoping that maybe just this once I would be granted serenity and peace and not sorrow and misery
My worst fears and torment were answered when I looked upon the fuzzy screen and seen nothing my womb was empty once more
I began to scream and sob uncontrollably the blackness and hate overcame my soul and my heart ached like never before
All the memories and images of when my soul had been ripped out once before came flooding back and I had to relive it once more step by step
I lay awake at night and the tears come pouring down as I ponder why this has happened to me once more and if there was something I could have done or said
My soul feels so barren and lost as I try to move on with my life feeling like a robot who has been programmed and has to obey every command
My heart is so full of sadness and remorse it eats at me every second of the day my mind is so full of wrought and pain
All I want to do is close my eyes and wake up from this horrid nightmare but alas when I close my eyes the images and memories replay over and over in my head
Almost everyone says it’s time to move on and get on with my life pressuring me to make a decision that I’m just not ready to make
Two long months have passed since my heart and soul were ripped in two once again but all is still fresh and very raw to me as if it just happened yesterday
But I put on a smile and brush my hair away from my face and try to look happy for everyone else but inside I’m slowly dying.
I wrote this after having a second miscarriage I was my way of coping, did help quite a bit.