Depressions Cage

Depressions Cage long poem

Photo by ind{yeah}

There is a large piece of me missing, replaced by some angry thing I do not recognize.
There is a hole, it’s deep and wide and the sadness I feel has nowhere to hide,
I wish for joy and peace on a daily basis but it eludes me.
I wish for laughter that’s true in sound but I can not express nor hear it.
I feel the scream at the edge of everything and the tears warm and wet,
I feel the emptiness down to my core, I am certain I can not handle much more.
As I lay in silence in the dark all I can wonder is what happened to me,
where is my true heart. I am not this hollow shell, but that’s all I can attest.
I miss her, or the thought of her, the happy, sincere, and forgivable person I thought I used to be.
If I could only find a small piece, a token of truth, a blink, just a blink of light
would I then not wish for death so much, would I humble.
I know there are ones I love with every fiber of my being, I know that in what’s left of my soul.
I would die for those in one irregular beat of my heart. But just as I continue to take ragged breaths
I continue to go on as I had the day before, and the months before my yesterday,
not understanding the reasoning behind my callous when all my heart can do is scream
at my mind from the inside in this pitiful battle for rule.
Is there no escape from depression’s cage, I’ve almost sadly given up.
If I could pinpoint the moment in time when I built such a wall, a wall that at the time I must have built so very tall, and so very thick that I intended to never come from behind it.
If I could go back I would have never done such a thing, I would have endured somehow.
Because now I am a mask, a stone creature with no intent to feel the things that can ever hurt me again. Only now I’m left with the pain I inflict upon others and myself with no escape.
It’s not curable as I’ve come to understand.
I guess its not understanding it’s more of an unwilling acceptance.
So the hole remains, the darkness lurks, and the numbness encases everything.
On the days or nights the tears do break through over something very simple
or something as deep as an ocean, nonetheless it’s a wound,
a wound that has either been there a very long time or a fresh bruise caused
by a hurt I never intended to inflict, or maybe a realization that the word “alone”
means something I hope most will never truly understand.
So those tears when they do appear are real, I know, and they have inexplicably escaped
from under the layers of stone, the unforgiving cold stone from which I hatefully hide.

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Terri L Earls

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I just love writing, its therapy for me. I love reading other poems, getting inspired, feeling the pain or happiness that lie within the paragraphs or lines. I work in the medical field where I see decline in health everyday, death, and depression, its easy to get lost in the grim reality of it all. But writing is a way for me to escape, reading is a way for me to escape, So here I am. :)
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3 Comments on "Depressions Cage"

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ramakrishnan chatakondu
Member

Bad days don’t last long in the lives of good people……… You are not an exception .

asoke kumar mitra
Member

heartfelt write. i loved ,but with pain…….the imagery worked here very true in real life……..

Preeti
Member

Our actions do haunt us, especially if they are not right…what a powerful message in this poem!

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