How Dreams Become Lost

As I sit here alone with my thoughts and my fears,
suffering the consequence of those bought social sneers,
I can’t help but embrace the judgement from peers.
A reality so true; I’m nothing more than a broken old gear.

Broken by function and broken by fate.
I lay on this landfill thinking, – am I even still here, and am I too late?
As I find myself slipping further into the rear of my own mental state,
a ray of sunshine appears in the form of a queer, confusing my fate.

His dreams are so bright and so clear, that my heart starts to sear.
In his dream I’m something, although something very unclear.
I then try and I try to become something he can hold dear,
but my thoughts and ideas can’t help but to veer,

till dreams turns to nothing but a great many fears.
Here I’ll remain nothing, not even a simple old gear.

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@rfzees we appreciate your asking for our feedback on your submission and would like to say that the fact that the poem has been published should give you proof of the merit of your writing because we only publish works that have a certain level of quality. As this is your first attempt at writing poetry, we would like to guide you on certain points : – Rhyming in poetry is not necessary, it is the flow and rhythm of thoughts that counts but if you do choose to rhyme then we advise that you stick to the pattern followed eg. in your poem the words in the first stanza ‘peers’ and ‘gear’ do not rhyme. Similarly, in the last two lines “till dreams turns to nothing but a great many fears.Here I’ll remain nothing, not even a simple old gear.”, you could have structured it to read as “till dreams turns to nothing but a great fear.Here I’ll remain nothing, not even a simple old gear.” See that the meaning doesn’t change nor do the words used , only the placement makes it read much better poetically.. – Also avoid using words that could have a negative connotation, eg.… Read more »

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