There are these moments of peace and clarity.
They feel almost foreign
like they don’t belong.
My world functions in movements of
headbangers’ ball mixed with rapper’s delight
like trumpets blaring and an offbeat drum.
It’s all in my head, it’s all in my head – I chant.
My attempt to calm my monster.
But she growls and paces back and forth
Snarls through her cage
Eager to bust out and claim her space in the fore front
Tick, tick, tock
Go her nails on the bars
Faster as she listens to the beautiful chaos,
Oh how the music excites her.
Louder she growls. Hungry for the attention
Breathe, in and out. I can still handle this.
And the things that I see
And does he see me or the me I want to be or am
And the things that I see
Burn inside me leaving me crying in the end.
Tick, tick, tock
My monster fades away scared by the mourning
Child in the walls.
Where are you? Where did you come from? Why do you cry?
If I can find you, I will hold you
I will wipe away your tears.
No, no
You don’t need to quiet your crying
It only hurts more that way.
And the things that I see
They hurt all over me
Please another moment of peace and clarity.

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